Easy

EASY -- That's the skill level designation on the dress pattern I bought for SugarPlum. Well, easy for them to say.

You know, I'm just not great at anything. That's simply the way God made me, and I suspect He knew I'd get all puffed-up, if I excelled at anything. And when it comes to sewing, I don't have the heart or patience to tackle complicated projects. I like straight lines, I abhor making gathers, and I stink at stitching slippery, stretchy fabrics. I can't remember what all those buttons on the sewing machine are for, and I don't know where I put the owner's manual. I probably shouldn't be allowed to sew.

But I couldn't pass up those brightly colored seersuckers on the bolt, so I captured four of them to make SugarPlum dresses. And I bought an EASY pattern.

I was going to make things even easier by cutting two dresses at a time. Carefully aligning the fabrics, I did just that. Imagine my surprise when I discovered one was factory folded lopsided, so that one back shoulder was missing when I finished cutting, and in order to save the dress, I had to find a scrap which matched in pattern, seam it on, and recut that part of the dress piece. If that sentence didn't make any sense, imagine the person who wrote it trying to fix the sewing mess she'd just made. Pitiful.

No, I can't "press" that seam, because I bought waffley fabric, and if I press out the waffles, the dress will be two sizes larger.

Sew around the curve of a neckline, when the garment is barely larger than a Barbie doll dress? 'Xcuse me?

Double an inch-and-a-half snippet of teensy elastic cord, hold it in place, and sew across it to anchor it? So what do I do when the sewing machine needle keeps piercing and picking up the elastic? Is this pattern EASY for two people with four hands? This was to be a group project? Why didn't you tell me?

Of course, I failed to buy notions, so I have to slink back to the store today for hem tape and bias binding.

At least it wasn't a ONE HOUR pattern. Those are plum hateful, and I've been known to glower at such a pattern envelope at the beginning of hour three.

So I started this project yesterday morning, figuring I could whip out at least two finished dresses; another two today. I'd be all ready and rearing to make swim dresses (out of stretchy, slippery fabric--what was I thinking!?) when my ordered yard goods arrive.

The finished dresses number 0 (zero). And this morning, my kitchen table looks like this:

Feel sorry for me. Very, very sorry.
Thank you, and amen.

For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. ~Psalms 103:11-13