Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Don't Do It

Don't: Pout or take to your bed when your older kids come home for a visit, and your son says of your dog, "That's not even a dog. It's a rabbit!" and your daughter says, "He looks like a fox-faced rat with mule deer ears."

Don't: Buy your sons matching chore jackets, sizes Men's Large and Boys' 12, because your elder son may stumble groggily to the entry early in the morning, preparing to take the trash to the curb, and you may hear him grunting and muttering "gawwwsh" and "ouch," and when you turn toward the noises, you'll see him standing there stuffed into his little brother's jacket, a perplexed look on his sleepy face. You may laugh like a hyena on steroids and beg him to remain in that predicament long enough for you to run get the camera, and he won't have a compliant attitude toward that request.

Don't: Decide to make your father-in-law a microwave-poached egg for breakfast, because 24 seconds at power level 6 will explode the egg; 36 seconds at power level 5 will explode egg #2; when you try power level 3 and open the door at 10 seconds, because you forgot to pierce the yolk this time, poking the toothpick in the yolk will make egg #3 explode and the bowl leap off the floor of the oven. You'll scream really loudly. Then you'll have to fry egg #4.

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1

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